For You My Love

Do you know why,  I still stand by,
coz in this state of stillness, I am attached to you,


Not by the closeness of our bods, but the essence of you in my heart,
The pain that has made its home in me, tells the tale of my love for you


This love which over the years has only grown stronger, lingers in my senses
Like a sweet poison, which aims to kill me, over and over
By the day and By the night, and I am still addicted to it


I know that you won't come but I love waiting to hear the screech of the wheels,
I know that you won't love me, but I love to miss you everywhere I've been


If I am ill, I think of you, When I am sleepless, I think of you,
Your thoughts are my trophy and the wait is my lifeline


I do not know what would I do without you, 
coz more than anything else I am addicted to you,


I am not tired enough of waiting, and I plan to continue,
For one day I do believe we will have our own Sunrise....


Till then my Love, just let me stand by....


Yours & Only Yours,
Always and Forever

A speech that means a lot to my life

"There is a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends. 

As much as I’ve looked forward to this day, I’ve always disliked endings. 

Last day of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a close friend. 

But endings are inevitable, Leaves fall, you close the book. You say goodbye. 

Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. 

We’re moving on. But just because we’re leaving, and that hurts, there’s some people who are so much a part of us, 

they’ll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground. Our North Star. 

And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us..........Always..." - Alexis Castle's, Graduation Day Speech

Isolation

I am not a person to remain isolated for long......
I seek to that lonely corner when I feel I need some space...But it seems the space is growing....
I am getting engulfed in it!!
Anyone to ask for help?? No.....I don't have...

Always felt that only mad people require help from psychologists.....
Thnking of that...atleast those psycotics in our society get to kill someone or hurt someone through which they grab attention or seek solace....
Unfortunately, I am too educated to do all those...So much so that I can't even hurt myself........
Many a times, I feel like drinking that bottle of phenol, or may be cut my veins, or hang from the fan...will not lie....I tried...But I do not have the guts to go through it.....I am too scared of dying.....
I felt like dying when my first love laughed on my looks...I felt like dying when my 2nd love got married....I felt like dying hen my father died....I felt like dying each moment when I could not carry out my responsibilities......
People around me ask.....where do u spend money....I lie...For this n that....they sympathise with me....
Call up my mom and she'll tell you that our family is running on my Sis's salary.....I have failed all of them.......
I feel death is the only solution for me.....I dont know where I am falling short...
Why dont I lose some weight and gain him back.....Why don't I work harder? It seems to me that I am doing my best....
If so, why I am left behind.....
He left me...may be for he good...Mom says I am manglik...In hindu shashtra, being manglik means you harm anyone you come close to........may be thats why everyone is taken away from me...may be I am not what they deserve.......
In all, nobody wants me.......you know redundancy? I am redundant...In my own life...I am redundant........
I still remember my dad saying...that I didn't save anything.....But I saved dad....wherelse those 2 lakhs came from when you died.......??
Mom calls up and she would say ...our family is running on Sumi's salary.....everyday....she tells this to everyone...maid,family, friends,to me...........then who pays those chunkamounts of 45K and 30K whenevr you need...?? WHo paid the 20K in one night when you ordered a fridge w/o notice.......
I am not defending myself.........THese are my perspectives....I do not know what I am doing on this earth.........I really don't understand my need.....
I do not have friends who cannot pass a single day w/o me...I do not have a family who'ld miss me because I am not there...I do not have a lover who would stand by me through ......

What am I fucking doing on thus earth.....I wanna die..........e very moment I pray for death...every moment I pray that God that instead of killing those innocent ppl, kill me......
I am of no use..........I am just a living blob on this earth........No value, no meaning of my low life....

My mom searches a groom for me.....I know even he won't love me ever....I would be a mattress a furniture in his house...of no use....I dont have any credibility.........I am irresponsible.....I am characterless........I am a whore..........I am a blood fucker....a non sense....In ofc too I dont have a value...even my juniors are better than me......no one respects me...no one loves me.....no one gives a damn for me......

I dont know what else should I write that God feels tat I am utter waste and he should soon let me burn in hell.........I wanna burn n rot in hell...for being such a disaster in the human species.....
Good that all my friends deserted me, good those guys didn't love me back.....good that I am redundant for my family.....I really wanna kill myself soon.....Just need the right courage....
Enough of torturing people around me.....I just wanna sleep and let destiny take its course....kill me right in my bed....i wanna wake up in hell.......I deserve that and that only.....

A Thousand Years........

"Time stands still, Beauty I know she is, I will be brave
I will not let anything, Take away, What's standing in front of me
Every breath, Every hour has come to this

One step closer..........."

Walking down the aisle covered with white roses and orchids, in a beautiful white silk gown......the trail following her just like the tumultuous ocean.....The veil can barely cover the beauty of excitement glowing on her face.....The blushes which have superceded her bridal maneauver....and as she walks in she takes in the fragrance of the flowers and fills it in her mind which has already pictured her tomorrow......With Him...

" Heart beats fast, Colors and promises
How to be brave, How can I love when I'm afraid To fall,
But watching you stand alone, All of my doubt, Suddenly goes away somehow,

One step closer............"

She is nervous, she is shivering at her knees, she is afraid she will let him down.....her heart is pounding against her chest....and then she looks in his eyes...the one in a Black Tuxedo standing right there...All Alone.....Looking at the peach beauty progressing towards him.....

"...And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought, Your heart to me, I have loved you

One step Closer........"

That look cannot be comprehended...Its a look of assuarance, re-assuarance and counter-assuarance.....It asserts that I will be with you forever.....That look makes you feel out of the crowd and belonged.....It spreads a warm sensation which cannot be compared to anything else on this earth.....With his brawny eyes, he speaks a thousand words.....
As if he is says, " Don't be afraid beloved, this is our day, we have made this possible, the heavens above have knelt in front of our Love, and today we unite, to be One....forever..... "

And soon, its not anything tangible that is making her walk...Its the pull of Love and Faith that makes her feel like running upto him....To make the most important commitment of her life, to be his forever, to love him for every moment of her life........


The moment arrives and they look into each others eyes.....At this moment nothing else matters as they take their wedding vows, "I, take you, as my beloved wife/husband....for better or for worse.....to love, to cherish....as long as we shall live"

......And as the minister pronounces them Man and Wife, through the film of tears blinding her, she can hardly believe the surreal fact that this amazing person was hers....the person whom she had coveted every moment she could recollect....

".....and now You may Kiss the Bride"

"I have died everyday, Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid, I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more...."