Moving On...

Its been years that has passed between that train leaving and today....

Today, he is a father of a beautiful baby girl, happily settled in job & life both....though he was not the one to move on...coz he had nothing to....

It was me who had dreamt an impossible dream, it was me who imagined a fictitious world with him, it was me who mistook all his deeds as Love....and thus it was me who had to Move On...

That train left the platform, that day I stood there, my arms wide open which had asked a small permission from him for the last time ever that I was seeing him..."Can I hug You once?"....He nodded....but just then the train started rolling and before my extended arms reached him, he jumped onto the moving train...He went in, sat and watched me....I did see sadness in those eyes...may be...but he was moving far and far and far...and that was destined...He was going far from me to his World which he had so carefully built over the years of his courtship with that girl....and then everything went blurred...the train left the platform and I was sobbing standing all alone on the then empty platform for God knows what length of time...

Ohh God!!
That pain of breaking down fully still feels fresh...That day I was shattered to innumerable pieces, the pieces which I couldn't gather still....the pieces which cant be put together ever again, I suppose...

And then the advices started pouring in...."You should Move On"....
Two small words...Move On...How easy is it??
On a fresh day I wake up...Get ready for the day..Look into the mirror...Try to look beautiful..and then I remember his words saying.."You are beautiful...You are so different"...Oh Gosh...

I go to office...Open my outlook...And there in the saved mails I see his mail..."Meet me today at 6pm near the coffee shop"....I am broken again...

In the evening I walk back to my apartment....and suddenly I visualise him standing at my gate...arms folded and with that naughty smile...and I feel that blow of reality again...

In the night, I toy with my mobile...talking with him for hours was a habit ... and now no more calls....I surf back to the old sms's....I read them over and over again...press the delete button and when the gadget asks  "Are you Sure to Delete?"..I press Back and there I am....All Broken and tattered...

Slowly time takes its toll....The memories start fading...and the regular pain starts changing into numbness...Friends, Family, well wishers....advise/suggest/guide you to look for someone..."Get hooked up"..."Get married"..."See Someone"...

But what my heart does is a constant fight to erase those memories to make place for new ones...It does win sometimes...but the bad sectors of the Mind Disk are too much to be erased...and unfortunately human mind cannot be formatted...I wish we could do that....and I guess he also thought its possible...else why did he create memories which he cant keep up with?....In this regular fight with mind and heart, I have turned stone cold....
I do not feel the rush on seeing a guy...I do not feel like hanging out with friends...I do not like to share my feeling with anyone...I do not want to get married...

I dont cry anymore....I stare blankly at the walls...If this is called Moving On..then I am great at it....
Those pinkish hues don't play in my mind anymore....Those dreams of a newly wed life is far gone....The dreams of being his kids mom is badly morphed with a pic of another girl...though I love to see his daughters pics...I see my dream in her...she looks like him...and this is what I had imagined....only thing is she plays in someone else's arms....that someone else is nowhere me....I am nowhere near her....

Sitting here, today, I examine myself...My mom feels that I am not marriage minded...My friends feel that I am not interested in marriage...My colleagues feel am not finding a right guy...Everyone has their own notion....and the problem is they declare that to me...and I can just giggle thinking yeah...I am this girl now...No Emotions, No tears, No Love...In all, I am Emotionally Damaged...

Thats how I have Moved On and I hope he would be happy to know that...Iff he remembers me at all...At All...